I actually feel lonely tonight, which makes me sad, because it helps me realize that I still have a long way to go in feeling happy by myself. Maybe, in some way, I could blame it upon my music. HIS music. The music that I keep listening to, trying to find some... some small sense of clarity. So here I am, typing a way, searching for the sign in the music, the key in the words. I feel like he is trying to talk to me in the music he put on the C.D. Like some songs are meant to tell me that HE KNOWS I love him... Others telling me to get over it, many telling me to keep waiting, because eventually he'll come around. Lot's of them speak about his brother, and I actually feel the pain. I kinda get it. Many of the songs leave me completely perplexed, anxiety ridden and alive.
I feel like I can start living again now... Like I might be able to find my place in... In me. I don't care to find my place in the world, its not in my power to find it.
I can truly say I'm happy with the slight chance of Down for a while...
Over half way through and I'm still looking for the song that will give me the real answer to the question I want answered. Here's the thing though, for now, I'm happy not knowing. I still told Him that I loved Him though, even though it was across a stage... and it was under my breath.
L.
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